Another Story (Kind of)

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Darkness. I could open my eyes or close them and it'd still be the same shade of a dark with a melancholy twist to it. I don't know how contrasting colors look like. In my head, the color wheel was in dots and spaces of ones, twos, threes, fours, fives and sixes. I couldn't grasp the idea of color or the difference between black and white. However, that's an ability I'd like to be thankful for. What with everything going on, the discrimination and the abundance of public hatred, I feel as if I can see people without judging them the first glance. Though I am thankful, I am also fascinated yet aggravated at the ignorance some people hold. "What's your favorite color?" they ask and sometimes I pause for a little while to see if they realized the stupidity of that question and other times they just repeat it, unfazed but the ignorance they just spewed out. I try to humor those people though, by saying my favorite color is turquoise. I've never seen the color, I just like the way it rolls off my tongue. There's a certain smoothness to it, but also this staccato feel. When I see someone in my head, it's not there actual face I see. It's their expression, stories, and noises. Yes, noises. Their laughter or the tone of their voice is easy to pick up after so long. I've been asked to feel someones' face and then draw it on a piece of paper with marking of dots on them to guide me. I've done that a couple times now, I don't think it ever works. 

Sadly, the fact that I can't ever truly see through my eyes will never change but it doesn't seem to bother me. More than anything I feel lost. Lost because I feel like I'm missing out on the secret that is color, art, and vision. I was not gifted that secret. Instead, I was neglected, neglected by the others around me, before me, after me. 

So what is color in my head? Color is noise, texture, tastes and sparks of electricity. I can visualize, somehow, the spurs of color in my head when I hear music. I can detect the smaller things in life without my eyes. True, I can only see darkness but within the darkness is other adventures. Adventures worth exploring.